Currently dying of mild pancreatitis. I have cystic fibrosis, so its common. My health insurance cut me off this month, and there’s no way I can afford to go to the ER. I can’t get morphine to numb the pain, nor can I get the IV fluids I most likely need right now. Nope, I’m just left to suffer at home, all alone, lying in fetal position, vaping bowl after bowl to help settle the pain. My favorite cannabis club had some chronic $25/8th yesterday, so I ended up buying an oz…oops. Guess it came in handy though.

I think the little B/P sesh I had yesterday triggered this pancreatic attack, and I am so full of regrets right now. Yet, I still want to binge on more chocolate cupcakes. That’s the worst part.

I’m really struggling right now. My mental and physical health are deteriorating, and I can’t seem to take care of myself anymore. I just want to be healthy, happy. But I just keep sabotaging myself and not considering consequences before I act – or at least not taking them seriously.

My body used to be able to handle a lot. It was resilient. I was immortal. But over the years it’s grown weaker and weaker, and I can no longer endure my old lifestyle. It’s sad, because I’m only 21. Only 21 and I have some serious life choices to make; lifestyle changes, habits, thought patterns.

It could be life or death.